I felt dizzy just now, dunno why..I was working out with two of my prens, ko tan and vemi, and I worked out using the cardio thing...suddenly, i reached my peak and i wanted to throw up so much, until the two of them finally helped me. Luckily, my apt is not very far away from the gym, so we went back to my apt. Ko tan made me some hot tea and we went to his apt, which is only 1 block away from mine. we went to see his sister, ci euy. We talked and we talked, ko tan made me a nice delicious sandwich!! it was super!! :) thanks ko...I went back to my apt at 12 pm!

suddenly, I felt not good. I felt, I was manipulating them, as not being myself. Who am I? How do I look like when I am sad, when I'm angry, when I'm happy, when I'm so so?? Hmm...dizzy...just like I felt before...

God, You're not limited by my limitation. So whatever that I think right now, forgive me Lord. All the manipulations and sins that I have made against You, forgive me Lord!!!!!! Why do I always feel this way? Why can't I feel the joy of Your salvation. Every night and morning, I always feel that there's something wrong with my relationship with You. that there's something wrong with the way I conduct my life, that I'm not in tune with You...

Now You remind me of John 1:12, "But to those who received Him and believed in Him, He has given the right to become the children of God..."

Do You hear me when I call "I am Yours"?? I wanna get back on my feet again...You understand it all!! You see me Lord...every weaknesses, every thought, every actions that are disgusting...This is my life Lord. Whatever it is Lord...You grant me the faith...

The diet thing, maybe that's what keeping me from focusing on You. I lost my focus..I didn't focus on anymore, I focused on my diet and how I keep my shape. But now, Lord, I admit it, sometimes I think my body is more important...but now Lord, I want You to change my heart and mind set, so that I won't think of by body anymore, but all I think about is YOU! JESUS!! You are the center of my joy, my love, my life, my hope and my faith, my everything!!

I will trust in YOU!! AMEN!!!!