It was so sweet.

This afternoon on my way back home, when I was in the bus, I saw a couple -- old couple -- got into the bus. The first thing I noticed was that it was really nice of them to still get along with each other in their old ages. But, the sweeter thing was that when they were to get off the bus, the husband held his wife's hand, allowed her to get off of the bus first and never to let her go until she was finally secured, stood strong on the ground. ISn't that sweet? I wanna be like them as I grow older. =)

Anyway, my financial problem is solved! Thanks to God. Well, the money isn't gone, it's still there in my account. But it's not in the checking account. So, here, in Bank of AMerica, we got 2 kinds of accounts, we have saving account and checking account. When I buy something using my debit card, the money is directly cut from my checking account. So, yesterday, I forgot that one time, I transferred some of my money to the saving account. So, what was really in the checking account wasn't the same with what was in my memory! =) I was in total panis yesterday, but now it's all fine. Well, shame on me then. I made the situation a little bit uncomfortable yesterday. I had my friends gathered around me, asking me questions, while the fact is there was no problem at all from the beginning. It's just me and my short-term memory. Hhh...Life's kinda difficult for me as I grow up and maturing. Oh well...

Anyway, I don't wanna say that I'm not worrying my financial condition right now, coz the truth is I am. The money is there, yes, it isn't gone. But....it's like...only a little. Well, what I and my mom were planning was that I was supposed to take the money back to my country as I go back to Indonesia during this fall break. So, it's like emptying the whole account and when I go back here, I'll start with a new amount in my account, making sure that the money that will be sent later on is enough for my living here and not too much also. BUt, the problem was..the money was only about $200. So, yeah, I wonder if my mom would ask me lots of questions on where did I spend that money. I was out of control, yes, I admit it. I don't wanna run anymore from my guilt, I know that I was wrong.

*God, forgive me..as I write this blog, I want You to know that I'm sorry, that I didn't listen to You and followed my flesh instead. So, Lord, I come with the heart of repentance, not to show off to the readers of my blog, not to claim any prove that I'm sorry, but it's really because I fear You. And by writing this down, I can concentrate clearly on what I have to say and on what I have said. This will also be a good feedback in the future if, in any case, I'm down...*

Anyway, just wanna encourage you guys to pray for me for self-control and obedience. Obedience is hard, "trusting is hard but that makes the heart" that's from my friend's poem, Cipto. I like that part. I just wanna trust HIm that He will never give up on molding me and shaping me. no matter how stubborn I am, no matter how many times I failed, He will still be there for me. I want to have the faith that He is my Father and He has saved me and He will always save me. I'm doing my part. I need to be cleaned from my sins everyday, that's one of my parts.

I want the heart of obedience, Lord. I want the heart of self-control. I want it so badly now. I joined the music ministry and without obedience, it will be impossible to do Your will. It's impossible to please You cos there;s nothing in me that is good enough to please You, but it's only by Your grace that You have given me the opportunity to serve You. I don't want to ruin it again this time. Give me the heart of obedient and heart of self-control. Mold me until I become a vessel that You want. I believe in You...I don't how...but I believe in You. AMEN.