When I get something that I want, I will also lose something in return.

Well, for some of you, that statement won't be as true as it is to me. I experienced it.

My dream to go study overseas has been miraculously granted to me. I got something. But, in turn, as I back to Indonesia, I felt, one of my friend, she is different now. Okay, so I have 2 girl friends and 2 boy friends...as in "real friends". Let's say, the first girl named A and the second one named B. I was soo close with A, even though I pissed off often, but we were so close. I was also so close with B. But, A and B were not close to each other.

Now, things chane upside down. A and B are close to each other. Well, I can't blame them for being so close, but, I don't know, I think it is jealousy. This afternoon, I went to a mall with all of them. We ate in the Japanese restaurant, named Kiyadon. When we were eating, A told me that she didn't like Japanese food too much so she didn't eat, but she tried some. At the end, she wanted to go to the toilet and she asked B to go with her. This was weird. The dinning table of which we were sitting at was kinda complicated. When the person in the middle wants to go out, the person next to him or her has to move first. So, the pattern was --> A was in the most outer part, and then me, and then B, next to me then the boys. So, when she wanted to go to the toilet and she needed a company, why wouldn't she ask me? I was like right beside her. I had no idea back then. I wanted to cry but it would be so ridiculous if i do that. I wanted to be angry but it would ruin the entire mood. Okay, I didn't want to go to the toilet though, but back then, it was better for me to go coz if I didn't go, i would stay with the boys there. But, as I said I wanted to come also, A told me to stay back. She said something like, "You don't have to come. Just stay." I didn't know what to do. Hate her? Feeling guilty? Do nothing? Well, of course the right thing to do is to forgive, but it's just so hard. Am I that....I don't know, tell me, until she didn't want me to come.

I'm just...disappointed. She's so nice...but she's so...I don't know...

God, You might wonder where I am right now. I know what I have to do, but I jsut don't wanna do it. Give me an extra strength to face this and to bear all the rules that You set to discipline myself. Amen.

-ica-