Walking with God is hard. It's hard to discipline yourself, you see. To wake up early in the morning so that you won't be late for school. to study right after the school's done so that the homework won't pile up in the weekend. to clean up the mess un ur apartment so that it looks tidy everyday. to maintain close relationship with ur family back in indo. to maintain ur relationship with ur friends around here. to maintain a healthy relationship between you and boys. to maintain strong and close relationship with your own Father, God. It's hard. I realized that I'm growing up, there are more responsibilities that I need to bear. Those responsibilities, sometimes, when I do it, make me feel proud of my life. I mean, not being prideful, it just means that I'm satisfied with what I have done. But, when I don't do it, I feel like a mess. And i suddenly want to rebel, I find my life so messed up and boring that I need to go somewhere where i can start my new life with my own decisions. but I know that is impossible. This is my life. My real life. I know that my walk with God, my relationship with God, is a two way relation.God does His part and I do my part. So far, God does His part and I...sometimes do my part and sometimes don't. So I find out why, I feel my life is not as interesting as anybodey else's, or...not as good as I expected. hehe...

*it's kinda weird, don't u think, when you have questions and while u're writing that down, you find the answers.*

Lord, I know I made mistakes. I realized it. I know that I need to do my part. Lord, I need Your help. Your help to discipline myself. To do Your will, to do what You need me to do. Help me to not compromise with the world. Teach me to differ which one is right and which one is wrong, so that I can take Your path and trust in You.

I like this song...

Trust, trust in the Lord
Lean not on your own understanding
In all, all of your ways
Acknowledge Him
he'll make your path straight.

My eyes can only see
The bound beneath my feet
Your plans are greater
Your ways are higher
O, Lord, please show me...

you know what. I just realized the hatred that I have inside my heart. Well, I tried so hard *with my own strength* to forget that feeling. But it grows higher and higher as the days gone by. I hate her, I envy her. She's my class mate, she's a sister of my friend. I hate her coz she's always got higher score in class than me. I hate her coz she seems so mature, she seems so....you know...having everything she can possibly want. i don't like that. I know this feeling isn't right. But I can't do anything about it. I play with her, I still chat with her, i still care for her. But, that feeling, that I hide deep down inside my heart...that feeling makes me guilty afterwards.. Lord, I don't want this feeling to sty in my heart. Lord, I know You can do anything, Lord, I ask You to get rid of this feeling inside my heart. Give me a new heart that loves and cares for her,that doesn't envy her, that wnats the best for everyone.

Lord, this evening, the campus crusade member will have our first meeting this quarter, and I ask for Your presence to come and fill our hearts so that this meeting won't be just another ordinary meeting, but this meeting will bring glory to Your name.I know I won't be able to do anything, or even to contribute ideas, but I pray for Your annoitning in our hearts. Amen...

Okay..gtg to class...see ya...