I once decided to leave, decided to stop, decided to stay where I was, decided to just let all the plans went away. But then, believe it or not -- it's still hard for me to believe in this also -- God stopped me from doing it.

Why?

It'll cost me my everything, my fun life, my own plans, my own life. Why should I?

It causes me to be prideful.


If you ask me why? Maybe that's becuase there are too many people saying that I can be like this or I can be like that, I can achieve this and I can afford that. It gives me pride. And that pride, drags me down the valley. I'm lost, I don't know where to go.



I'm so fed up with all my struggles with You, God. I'm so sick condemning myself in front of You and everybody else. Why should I let this one day just went off like that withouht actually doing something? Why did I become so weak that I let my flesh took me to a place where You don't want me to be? Why did I choose the world than YOu? WHy am I so weak? I want to stand strong, but all the obstacles just bring down my guard and here I am, condemning myself.


This condemnation? Is it from You or the devil? Is it conviction or condemnation? I'm confused.



I'm afraid You're gonna be angry to me, Lord. You know what, Lord, while writing this entry, I have to listen to a song, the songs, wake me up, make me aware of myself. I can't, right now, I CAN'T sit quietly as You wish, so what should I do? I'm like....freaking weak. Wrong word I used there, but I don't cARE.

I'm surrendering everything, I'm humbling myself.

In the quiet
In the stillness
and You are GOD

In the secret
of Your presence
I know that I am restored

When You call
I won't refuse
Each new day again
I'LL CHOOSE

There is no one else for me
NONE BUT JESUS
Crucified to set me free
Now I LIVE TO BRING HIM PRAISE

In the chaos
In confusion I know
Your sovereign still

In the moment
of my WEAKNESS YOu give
YOUR GRACE to do Your WAY
So when You call
I WON'T DELAY

This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but JESUS
CRUCIFIED TO SET ME FREE

NOW I LIVE TO BRING HIM PRAISE