There's a strong urge in me that says if I don't have my devotional time tonight, I would be guilty of it tomorrow morning. I realize now how wrong it is to be like that! Devotion is not about duty...

At a moment, I remembered what my mom said about my devotional time. "Kamu kan udah doa pagi, doa malem, devotional day,,,diteruskan..jangan ditinggalkan..." I've left altar doa yang dr dulu dibangun susah payah...

Is that the reason why aku ga bisa ngerti jalan Tuhan buat aku skarang ini? Is that the reason why I could not get into UW? Karena kecerobohan ku dan ketidak siapan?

I am disappointed. So much. Like..why should I struggle in the first place for not getting to the major at all? WHy should I bother to go to UW? Listening to people around me that's gotten into the major, my heart breaks a little. WIthout anyone knowing it and impossible for 'her' to be able to understand what I am going through right now. WOrds of "Don't cry everything's going to be alright" sounds not comforting at all and not solving anything. It's just a cliche that we all say in order to look 'at least I care'. I dont find satisfaction in my heart by going to people. I dont find any.

I need You. So much. I am desperate. Not knowing what to do and which way to go. Should I register for TOEFL? Should I take WSA tomorrow or go to creative meeting instead? Have no clue...at all...How should I interpret Your message and what You want in every single little step of mine?

WHere are You Lord? In the time I need You the most, where are You?

Lord, I lift my lfe to You..take all of me...

Let me experience You...